Greyhounds and the weekly rant

I am enjoying the greyhounds.

One race every 15-20 minutes means there is allot of time only to sit, over think and smoke cigarettes.

I try to visualize the rest of the week, get excited about the adventures to come.

But mostly it is reflection on the past, and the present.

It isn't necessarily healthy at times, I do wind myself up.

Quite often that anxious state of mind comes back to haunt me at bedtime, in that half state you have trying to go to sleep.

I hope writing it down here will put them demons to rest.

I have dealt with it, time to move on.

(I am not he best at verbal communication, writing helps)

I am worried of peoples perceptions of my repetitive artistic shoots.

What my motivation is to do the same old shit.

When people see amazing, I see possibility.

I can fake it with photoshop to realize the vision.

I can clone, content aware, change, enhance, puppet warp and liquefy, alter reality to fit the vision.

Or…

I can can get it right in the camera.

No comprimises, no accepting 2nd best.

It maybe a Asperger trait.

It is a cycle. Eventually a break through comes which changes my standards forever.

The learning curve again accelerates until I master the break through.

Where I can replicate it consistently, so it becomes part of the commercial skill set.

Greyhounds doesnt even escape this tinkering and refining

What kept me sane in the freezing works for 15 years was the belief everything can be done better.

Every repetitive motion (and you are a robot there) can be made quicker, safer, better and with less effort.

Push the limits, stuff things up. (One stuff up in 1000 are good odds)

You may have to pull back a little, or you may need to take an entirely different approach.

But we all now what happens if we step up to the line.

What happens when we step over the line?

There is one only one way to find out.

(And yeah, it has put me in some pretty hairy situations in my life. Asperger logic for you)

You get respect.  You do things easier and better.  People want to be you.

But it isnt a gift, it isnt ability.  It is damn hard work which gets you there.

It is making that effort, when others are only there 'for the money'.

That is a part of me.  It isnt about being the 'best'.  It isnt elitism.

It is about coming home at the end of the day buggered.  

Feeling good because you have that respect, not of your peers. 

But of your own.  

It is not a competition.  You earn respect, you cannot ask for it.

I am good at what I do.

#notmanyifany