When is good, good enough?

I have been reflecting on my goals, achievements, motivation and my target audience quite a bit lately.

People see me as hard on myself, but that is an indication on what I want to achieve, what I am capable of achieving.

It all relates to the saying “The more you know, the more you realise you don’t know”

An Asperger trait is having an intense and highly focused interest.
This has led me to some dark places in the past, but now it is allowing me to see the light.
I study photography. I live for photography.

In public I try to mellow this to endeavour to fit in, no one wants to be bored, (as one person recently expressed) by 'photographer wank'.
In private, it consumes me.

I see what is capable, I observe the best in the world, I set about figuring how to do it, and that is where I set my standards.

I am not yet capable of of obtaining the quality of light (camera's can only capture light) that I see from the best internationally.

But that is the joy of photography, you have the ability to improve each time you pick up the camera.

The journey is only starting.

To put it in a real world example.
I have begun to gauge my ability internationally by ways of entering competitions.

In particular Gurushots.
Gurushots is a blind voting system (You vote for images on its merit, the photographer is unknown), the images shown to you are random (No “vote for me” bollocks), and generally people enter images to vote, so it is photographers voting for photographers.

Approximately 3000 – 5000 photographers enter 4 images each, so by Invercargills standard, it is quite a large stage to exhibit your work.
I could take pride in the fact I consistently rank top 10, 20 or 30%.

But fuck that. (Yeah I swear, get over it)

Why can I not be top 1%. What makes them superior to me?
 

Experience? Most likely, I have only taken photography seriously for the last 3 years

Better gear? That is a work in progress, but I wont be spending $50k on medium format gear.

Opportunity? Meeting the right people at the right time at the right place?

I cant predict that future, but I am in control of it all the same (Watch this space)

Subject? I cannot be bothered with tree's, mountains and sunsets. They will be there tomorrow.

I am a person photographer.

No one stays the same, the joy my subjects have when they see their images, makes me happy too.

Empathy? He ability to tap into the common human experience to most relate?

I will struggle with that concept, but I need to address my strengths, not compromise to the masses.

I cant think of too many more reasons why I should settle for 'top 20%'.

My Asperger logic dictates “what happened, why did it happen, what can we do about it.”

Its not an emotional response, it is my brain saying 'get good'.

I may never obtain my goals, but it has taken 40 years to find happiness within myself.

I wont be giving up any time soon.

In the mean time.  Why you should choose me to record your memories?

Well I am better than 80% than other portrait photographers in the world.

That is not my opinion, that is what the data says.   lol.